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August 5, 2014

PowerStream's Entrepreneur Joke Page



Clearing House
Business Models
Left Overs
Career Choice
Hot Item
Apples and Oranges
Lesson
Blameless
Invention
Best Deal
Recognized
Success
Inspiration
Balance
Something Down
Retirement
Best Practices
Zen
Shakespeare

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New: Click here for the Entrepreneur's Dictionary of Humor
   

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Togetherness

Money isn't everything, but it keeps you in touch with your employees.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2014

Persistence

You have to admit, Steve Jobs was persistent. Most of us would have given up after the H-Phone flopped.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2013

Early Adopter

One business man to another. "I'm ahead of my time. I was loosing money before the recession.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2013
Pessimistic Invention

I have created a new invention. It is a medical-alert bracelet for pessimists. It says "In case of accident--I told you so."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009
How to tell

Top ten ways you can tell if you are an entrepreneur:

1. Your wife always knows where you are.
2. You are the only one in the company that fears and hates pay day.
3. You have more than 365 days of "comp time" accumulated.
4. You limit your fluid intake so you can stay at your desk longer.
5. Your rich friends wince every time you catch their eye.
6. Your grandmother has come to know your elevator pitch by heart.
7. The keys on your telephone have all the numbers worn off.
8. When watching "Star Wars" you identify with the Trade Federation
9. Your kids can tell how the business is doing by whether you Supersize your big mac.
10. The Grim Reaper stops by and you fast talk him into 10 more years for 20,000 shares.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009
History

The history of most partnerships should be told in a scrap-book!

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009
No

One entrepreneur to another. "Why are you so depressed?"
My investor just turned down my proposal.
"Don't worry" said his friend, "when they say 'no' they are just maneuvering for negotiating room."
"He didn't say 'no,' he said "Phooey!"

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2009
Happiness?

One entrepreneur to another: "They say that money doesn't buy happiness. I'm dying to test that hypothesis for myself."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008
Clearing

I've got this great twist on the Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. We send out a hard-sell mailer that says "You owe us a million dollars."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008

Business models

The math department decided that they wanted more power so they started an organized crime ring. The problem was that they kept making people offers they couldn't understand!

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008
Left Overs


My accountant found me so many tax deductions that I had money left over for bail!

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008
Career Choice
Kids tend to get their career ideas from what their parents do.

My son wants to be an entrepreneur. He tells his friends "My dad spends almost all his time at work. It must really be fun!"

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2007
Hot Item

A local entrepreneur has come up with an innovative new product which has taken the market by storm.
The product is corduroy pillow cases. They are so popular they are making headlines.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2006
Apples and Oranges

One entrepreneur is talking to another. "I don't know what the big deal about Apple is. I mean, take away their loyal customer base, their innovative products, and their constant flow of free publicity and hype, and what do you have?"

His friend said, "Well, I guess you would have your company."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Lesson

As Entrepreneurs we tend to want to teach our children the lessons that we have learned. Sometimes this is confusing to them. One entrepreneur sat his four year old son down and said
"It's time for your lesson." What's two plus two?
The little boy said "Two plus two is Six."
"No, son," his father said, two plus two is not six. "Two plus two is four."
"I'm sorry, father," said the little boy. "I thought we were negotiating."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Blameless

I got a call from a man looking for a job.

He says "I am high-principled. I never go to bars, nightclubs, or movies. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol for 15 years, I am loyal to my wife, I haven't looked at another woman for 15 years, I go to bed and rise at the same time every day, and have attended chapel every Sunday for 15 years without fail. I will be available to start work in 8 months."

I said, "You sound like just what we are looking for, but I would like to hire you immediately, why the 8 months?"

"Well that's when I am eligible for parole."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Invention
If necessity is the mother of invention, why are there so many unnecessary inventions?


This joke is in the public domain
Best Deal

During the Ukrainian elections two Ukrainians were talking.

One said, I don't know who to vote for. The Social Democratic party offered me $10 for my vote, but the Liberal party only offered me $5.

His friend advised him "I'd vote for the Liberal party, they only seem half as corrupt."

This joke has been in the public domain for at least 100 years
Recognized by my peers

My own company has been listed for 4 years in the Misfortune 500.

public domain
Success

Have you heard of the entrepreneur bragging to his grandchildren: "I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Inspiration

One entrepreneur is explaining to another how he got into business.

"I was afraid to go out on my own, but my former boss gave me a jump start by telling me the most encouraging two words in my life. One day he came into my office and said "You're fired."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Balance

I'm not too sure about my CFO. When I asked him how our balance was he held his arms out and stood on one foot.

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Something Down

Have you heard about the entrepreneur that was told by his doctor that he had come down with the Asian Bird Flue? He was delighted.
"Now when my creditors come by I have something to give them!"

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005

Retirement

One man says to his friend "I heard that Joe is retiring from business."

His friend said "Oh, I have heard him say that before."

"But this time I heard it from the Judge!"

This joke is in the public domain.

Best Practices

A panhandler slinks up and asks "Buddy, I haven't eaten all day, can you give me $50."

The man says, "I think you would be a lot more successful if you asked for $1."

The bum answers, "Look, give me a dollar or give me $50, but don't tell me how to run my business."

© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005

A cute twist on this rewritten by Lindsay Dandeneau

Some people are born entrepreneurs:

Buddy slinks up and asks, "Grandpa, I've been a good boy, will you give me $50?"

Grandpa says, "I think you would be a lot more successful if you asked for $1."

Buddy answers, "Look, Grandpa, give me a dollar or give me $50, but don't tell me how to run my business."

© Copyright Lindsay Dandeneau 2008

Zen

What did the Zen master say to the pizza delivery man?

"Make me one with everything."

This joke is in the public domain
Shakespeare

With St. Valentine's day coming up I reminded my wife that our romance is very similar in many respects to Romeo and Juliet. Before even meeting me her father wanted to kill me.

This joke is in the public domain
 


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