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Custom design and manufacture of state-of-the-art battery chargers, UPS, and power supplies for OEMs in a hurry!
Resist if you can
"Did you hear about the company that sells elastomeric insulators? Their motto
is 'Resistance is butyl'".
Contributed by Cory Agnew
Politics
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to
energize their base
Contributed by Cory Agnew
Rationalization
New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?"
Seasoned
engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi."
New
engineer: "Why pi?"
Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are
irrational."
© Copywrite 2011 Mark W. Lund
Wedding
Two Antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Contributed by Chris Wantuck
Lost
Two atoms are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Wait, wait,
we have to go back. I've lost an electron somewhere."
The second atom says, "Really? Are
you sure?"
To which the first atom replies, "Yes. I'm positive."
Heard on NPR and contributed by Peter MacLean Kunhardt
Nothing but trouble
The engineer comes in to talk to his chief engineer. "I'm having trouble with
that power supply circuit you put me to work on."
"OK, let's talk about it, said his boss.
Is it oscillating?
"No," said the engineer, it is stable."
"How is the
efficiency?"
"About 87%"
"Is there ringing on the gate?"
"Nothing above
normal."
"What about noise and ripple?"
"They are well within spec."
"Then what's the
problem?"
"The darn thing's on fire!"
© Copyright Mark W. Lund
2008
Math
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He gives
the assignment to six blond Zen-Buddhist graduate students from California, thereby reducing
the problem to a finite series of earlier jokes.
© Copyright Mark
W. Lund 2008
Negotiations
5 year old: "Mom, can I sleep with jumper cables under my pillow?"
Mom: "OK, but
you have to promise not to start anything."
© Copyright Mark W.
Lund 2008
Containment
Define "Flashlight"
"A containment vessel for leaking batteries."
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008
Tour de force
Ed. note: All the puns that are fit to print in one story. Resist trying to read
it to your co-workers, serious bodily harm could result.
Reward Offered:
A
reward of four bits is offered for data leading to the lightning arrest of
this desperate criminal: Hop-a-long Capacity.
This unrectified criminal
dissipated (discharged himself) from a Western prism where he was held in
soliton confinement in a primary cell, clamped in ions awaiting the
quartz decision between the gauss chamber or death by lethal induction. He
tunneled through the schottky barrier and punched-through an insulated
gate, thus avoiding the mesa's guard ring. Waving Debye, he then
beta swift retreat in a stolon alpha. His last meal was to have been
erg and pawn curie .
He was charged with the interference,
impedance and induction of an 18 turn air-core bobbin, n-sine Millie
Henry who was found choked, gapped and robbed of valuable joules, which
really erged her and caused her brother Mike O. Henry to re-coil concerned
that she had lost phase. Though still fit for continuous duty the attendants
opted to carrier away on a liter (her CO2 had centiliter). She
exhibited reluctance to being shunted away like an invalid, crying "I'm not
dyne" Though later she emitted "It really Hertz." After Huygen her
tight, Capacity had even stooped to peltier with rocks.
Hop-a-long, who
said he couldn't resistor, is armed with a carbon rod heater, has high
mobility and is a potential killer. He wanted Abelian to set her free.
The cholesteric Capacity is also charged with driving a dc
motor open-loop over a Wheatstone bridge and refusing to let a
band-pass, crushing their mascot woofer beneath a rolling average. Use
cation if encountered, he has the capacitance to offer series resistance.
If beta captured tie with a phase lock loop, conduct him to the nearest
secondary cell and transmitter wire to the police.
The localized
force, officers Newton and Slug, were catalyzed by the gravity
of his crimes and spent the night probing for him in a magnetic field, where he
had gone to earthnear the symmetry. They report nothing positive and
believe he has returned ohm via an unintended ground loop path. They are
anxious to run him to ground so he can be passivated and recharged with nu
crimes. Please contact them with feedback no matter watt-hour,
especially if you hear shot noise.
A native of PN Junction, Hop-a-long
will often on a faraday ride a cyclotron (or Carnot cycle) or rho
an arc with his short girl friend Eddie Current who plays a
harmonic. He drives with a heavy photon the accelerator, making him
a super collider. He may flyback to his ohm town where he sometimes
Gibbs free energy in the Lorentz district.
© Mark W.
Lund, 2008-2012, expanded from an earlier story that has been much reproduced, but whose author
remains unknown to us.
Gift Ideas
First he gave his mother-in-law an electric toothbrush.
Then he gave her an
electric blanket.
Then he gave her an electric carving knife.
He's working his way up
to a chair.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008
More Gift Ideas
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his
birthday?
Shorts.
This joke should be in the public domain if it isn't.
EuroIdiot
Click on the thumbnail to see the full picture. A few things to notice is that they are
using European plugs, so the voltage is 240VAC, and don't forget to notice the flip-flops used
as a flotation device.
I am sure that this picture was staged, so no Italians were actually in danger of
electrocution.
Bootlick
Q: What is the most sycophantic resistor?
A: 110 ohms
© Copyright Al Sledge 2007
Lab Safety
Have you heard about the engineer who got his finger stuck in the e-prom burner? He
inadvertently programmed himself.
He didn't notice any difference until he got to the
grocery store and started shifting registers.
© Copyright Mark
W. Lund 2006
It Happens
The red wire said to the black wire "Why are you so sad?"
The black wire replied
"I've been grounded."
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2006
Growing
up
Little motor: "Grandpa, why do you have 4 wires and I only have two?"
Big motor:
"That's just a phase that's going through you."
© Kevin D.
Wilkerson 2005, used with permission
Photon relations
One photon to another: I am sick and tired of your interference.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 1998
Luck
A man was complaining about his life to his clergyman.
"I was a
hard-working clerk making $30,000 per year. I was frugal, living carefully, saving my money,
and I was happy and content.
Then one day I fell in with some shady characters and I got
suckered into a high-stakes poker game. That was my ruin. Now I am anxious, stressed, and
miserable."
His friend says "So you fell into temptation and lost all your savings?"
"No, I won, and like a fool I bought this lousy internet company."
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Lesson
As Entrepreneurs we tend to want to teach our children the lessons that we have
learned. Sometimes this is confusing to them. One entrepreneur sat his four year old son down
and said
"It's time for your lesson." What's two plus two?
The little boy said "Two
plus two is Six."
"No, son," his father said, two plus two is not six. "Two plus two is
four."
"I'm sorry, father," said the little boy. "I thought we were
negotiating."
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Teamwork
An engineering manager was once asked his definition of "Teamwork."
He said
"Teamwork is where everyone in the department is doing what I tell them without
whining.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Invention
If necessity is the mother of invention, why are there so many unnecessary
inventions?
This joke is in the public domain
This one is too cute (and topical) to pass
up. A story at The Onion
I Enjoy Being a Battery
By a Nine-Volt Battery
Enjoy being battery! Enjoy providing power for! Nine volts power! Last very long! Keep
providing power until die! Give power and power and more power until cannot give power anymore!
Enjoy very much giving power!
For the
complete story click here
Salt
There was the engineer that was putting sea water in his batteries without the boss
knowing. He was arrested for salt-in-battery, but even though the charge wouldn't
hold up, he is sitting in his cell serving two current
sentences.
Contributed by Doug Elliot, used with permission
Bats
Scientists have found a way to inject Bat genes into students. They ended up
with engineers who like to be kept in the dark!
© Copyright
Mark W. Lund 2005
Pass/Fail
A new technician was put to work on the production line test station. "Just plug
in the connector and read the voltage. If the voltage reads between 3 and 4 volts it passes. If
not it fails, and you put it in the "fail" bin."
After his first shift he told his
supervisor "I quit."
"What is the matter?" asked the supervisor, "the work can't be
that hard."
"Oh, it isn't the work, that's easy. I'm going crazy with making all those
decisions!"
Alternate punch line: "If I'm going to be a decision maker I want more
money."
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Schedule
One manager was bragging to another. "I have a great engineer working for me. Last week I
gave him a project and he stayed up for six straight days, completed the circuit board design,
finished the bill of materials and wrote a thousand lines of firmware. The completed projected
was on my desk when I got to work on Monday morning."
His friend asked "So how far
ahead of schedule was he?"
The manager said, "Ahead of schedule? Who ever heard of an
engineer doing that?"
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Impressions
Why did the battery-powered branding iron fail in the marketplace?
The calves
weren't impressed by it.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Sweet
What is cylindrical, sweet, brown, and has 10,000 ohms?
A chocolate-covered resistor.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund
2005
Capital Equipment
An engineer walks into his boss's office and says "I want enough money to buy a
new HP System Analyzer."
His boss says "Why do you need a System Analyzer?"
The
engineer says "I don't, I just want that much money."
© Copyright
Mark W. Lund 2005
Book
I gave my nephew a book for his birthday. He went crazy trying to find where to put the
batteries.
This joke is in the public domain
Repair
A lady took her CD player into the repairman. "I am afraid you have a short
circuit," he told her.
She said "I don't care how much it costs, lengthen it."
This joke is in the public domain
Job
Requirements
To survive as a power supply designer you need just two things--a solid technical
foundation and CPR.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Car battery
I took my car to my mechanic for a checkup. He told me that my battery needs a
new car.
This joke is in the public domain
Constructive Criticism
An engineer gets a call from his patent lawyer. "Good news," he says. "RCA just
licensed your invention and left a check for a million dollars. Come over and sign the deal and
pick up the check."
About two hours later the engineer finally shows up at the lawyer's
office.
"What kept you?" said the attorney. "On the way out I decided to stop by the
Chief Engineer's office and tell him what I thought of his latest circuit."
This joke is in the public domain
Shuttle Delay
The space shuttle pilot and co-pilot are sitting atop the rocket waiting for launch.
Over the headphones they hear announced a ten minute delay. "Oh, no," said the pilot.
The co-pilot said "No big deal, this happens all the time."
The pilot said,
"No, look at the monitor, they're bringing in jumper cables."
©
Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Not
Perfect
A solar panel installer was up on a roof, when out of the sky a bolt of
lightning strikes the roof, blowing him off the roof, across the street, and through the
neighbor's picture window.
He gets off the floor, turns to the startled family and says
"That's the one thing I hate about this job."
This joke is in the public
domain
Tags
attached to laboratory equipment in the hope that it will prevent it from "walking off."
Danger: High Impedance
Warning: This device contains pure matter, which
is known by the State of California to cause warpage of space and time.
Warning: Operate
only while wearing a lead apron.
Notice: You are free to borrow this spectrum analyzer
as long as you return it within 24 hours. And please let me know if you start itching or have
trouble focusing your eyes while in the 100 MHz to 2 GHz ranges.
©
Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Fireflies
Scientists
have developed a firefly that is 10,000 times brighter than a wild firefly. The only problem is
that the firefly is a little disgruntled at being strapped to a five pound battery.
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
Lyrics to "Who let the Smoke Out."
Who let the smoke out
(whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
(whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
(whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
(whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
Who let the smoke out (whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo)
Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
(whoo, whoo, whoo,
whoo)
When the circuit was made, the product was sumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And
everybody proud of it all (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the thing pumpin"
(Yippie Yi Yo)
And the plug goes in to the wall
The smoke broke show
brown
Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
Who let the smoke out (whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo)
Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
Who let the smoke out
(whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo)
I see a little smoke puff–makin' some toast
Lights
really dim in the town
Get blame off me, shame off me
Rollout is gon' take a bit
longer
© Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005
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