| March 14, 2023 | |||||
PowerStream's Power Humor Page including Stupid Power Supply Tricks and Science Puns |
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Belt humor What did one Kuiper object say to the other Kuiper object? I'm fear that gravity is going to be my downfall. © Copyright 2023 Mark W. Lund Cruel I visited a diabetes web site. The first thing they asked me is "would I accept cookies?" I thought that was kind of cruel. © Copyright 2023 Mark W. Lund Doors My grandpa always used to say "When one door closes, another door opens." Not because he was optimist, but because he drove a defective school bus. © Copyright 2023 Mark W. Lund   © Copyright 2018 Mark W. Lund, image copyright Elijah O'Donell Chews My son kept chewing on an electrical cord the other day. So I had to ground him. He was so upset he blew a fuse. He’s doing better currently. © Copyright 2021 Karl Wiley Hall of Fame PHILADELPHIA—A voting panel of journalists and prominent sports figures elected the D battery to the Philadelphia Sports Hall of Fame Sunday, honoring the alkaline storage cell’s many achievements in pelting players from visiting teams. “The D battery is as synonymous with Philadelphia sports as intoxicated fistfights, cheering for a severely injured player, or intentionally vomiting on a child,” said Philadelphia sportswriter Ray Didinger, adding that the Hall of Fame plans to install an interactive exhibit that allows children to throw batteries at life-size cutouts of rival athletes. . . For the full story see the Onion https://sports.theonion.com/d-battery-elected-to-philadelphia-sports-hall-of-fame-1819574818 Bugs There are only two really difficult problems in programming: -Naming -Cache invalidation -Off-by-one errors From the book "The Embedded Muse" by Jack Ganssle Alkali kin What is sodium's grandmother? Na2 © Copyright 2017 Mark W. Lund Heritage BOB: I come from captains of industry. My dad was CEO of a Fortune 500 company. TIM: That's nothing. My dad was a famous conductor. BOB: I didn't realize your family was so musical. TIM: We're not. Dad did his conducting in the electric chair. Contributed by Adam Robinson © Copyright 2017 Q&A Police: Young man, we know you are a spy, so confess. Tourist: I'm not a spy, just a computer programmer on vacation. Police: If you are a programmer prove it. Write me out an e-mail client. I'll be back in half an hour. The tourist cries out in despair "What, without coffee?" Police: Let him go, he's telling the truth. © Copyright 2017 Mark W. Lund Directions Engineering Intern: How I get to the marketing department? Engineer: Easy, go west until you can smell it and then turn north until you step in it. Marketing Intern: How do I get to the Engineering Department? Marketing supervisor: Walk east until you get lost and then yell "Help me Obi-wan Kenobi." They'll find you. © Copyright 2015-2016 Mark W. Lund Recruit HR manager: "What about that latest Engineering intern?" CTO : "He is a fugitive from the bell curve." © Copyright 2015 Mark W. Lund Spelt Ad on Craiglist: Going out of business sale, large granite tombstones. Several available. Perfect gift for anyone named Snith, Andersox, Kely, Jensan, or Ste wart. © Copyright 2015 Mark W. Lund Costelloese Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Sales Rep: For what? Customer: No, two. Sales Rep: Two what? Customer: Yes. Sales Rep: No. Contributed by Paul Kinzelman Saves gas New invention. A hybrid surgical robot. You start its engine and it operates on batteries. © Copyright 2014 Mark W. Lund Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? A: For the mass © Copyright 2014 Mark W. Lund Helping out We had our engineers work in HR for a week to encourage better teamwork. They immediately sent out an employment ad that read "Supermodels wanted, (must be able to solder.)." © Copyright 2014 Michael Wolf Connected Everything in product development these days is about connectivity. One company just came out with a new silent smoke alarm. When it detects smoke it sends you a text, tweets your friends, and posts a picture of the fire on facebook. © Copyright 2014 Mark W. Lund Power to the People WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile trans-national power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets. "Stretching from Maryland to California. . . Full story at the Onion:https://www.theonion.com/u-s-improves-infrastructure-with-transnational-power-s-1819573564 Flu A new disease is hitting the US, the Chinese Flu. The biggest symptom is that you wake up in the morning with the urge to manufacture a smart phone. © Copyright 2014 Mark W. Lund Spoiled Two electrical engineers met, fell in love and were married. They loved and encouraged their children, and always gave them the most expensive of gifts. One day, when their oldest was approaching his 10th birthday his mother asked "What would you like for your birthday?" He responded, "Anything but another oscilloscope." © Copyright 2014 Mark W. Lund Schedule Chief engineer: You told me that you would finish the layout in three days. Engineer: Sure, but not threeconsecutive days! © Copyright 2013 Mark W. Lund Progress in programming A lot of progress has been made in the area of getting computers to write code. Our latest system is so advanced that when it runs into a road block it blames the previous computer. © Copyright 2013 Mark W. Lund Resist if you can "Did you hear about the company that sells elastomeric insulators? Their motto is 'Resistance is butyl'". Contributed by Cory Agnew Politics After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base Contributed by Cory Agnew Rationalization New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?" Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi." New engineer: "Why pi?" Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational." © Copyright 2011 Mark W. Lund Wedding Two Antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. Contributed by Chris Wantuck Lost Two atoms are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Wait, wait, we have to go back. I've lost an electron somewhere." The second atom says, "Really? Are you sure?" To which the first atom replies, "Yes. I'm positive." Heard on NPR and contributed by Peter MacLean Kunhardt Nothing but trouble The engineer comes in to talk to his chief engineer. "I'm having trouble with that power supply circuit you put me to work on." "OK, let's talk about it, said his boss. Is it oscillating? "No," said the engineer, it is stable." "How is the efficiency?" "About 87%" "Is there ringing on the gate?" "Nothing above normal." "What about noise and ripple?" "They are well within spec." "Then what's the problem?" "The darn thing's on fire!" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Math Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. He gives the assignment to six blond Zen-Buddhist graduate students from California, thereby reducing the problem to a finite series of earlier jokes. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Negotiations 5 year old: "Mom, can I sleep with jumper cables under my pillow?" Mom: "OK, but you have to promise not to start anything." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Containment Define "Flashlight" "A containment vessel for leaking batteries." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008 Tour de force Ed. note: All the puns that are fit to print in one story. Resist trying to read it to your co-workers, serious bodily harm could result. Reward Offered: A reward of four bits is offered for data leading to the lightning arrest of this desperate criminal: Hop-a-long Capacity. This unrectified criminal dissipated (discharged himself) from a Western prism where he was held in soliton confinement in a primary cell, clamped in ions awaiting the quartz decision between the gauss chamber or death by lethal induction. He tunneled through the schottky barrier and punched-through an insulated gate, thus avoiding the mesa's guard ring. Waving Debye, he then beta swift retreat in a stolon standard model alpha. His last meal was to have been erg and pawn curie . He was charged with the interference, impedance and induction of an 18 turn air-core bobbin, n-sine Millie Henry who was found choked, gapped and robbed of valuable joules, which really erged her and caused her brother Mike O. Henry to re-coil concerned that she had lost phase "Watt a WIMP, I'll barium" he vowed. Though still fit for continuous duty the attendants opted to carrier away on a liter (her CO2 had centiliter). She exhibited reluctance to being shunted away like an invalid, crying "Mind your own bismuth, I'm not dyne" Though later she emitted "It really Hertz." After Huygen her tight, Capacity had even stooped to peltier with rocks. Hop-a-long, who said he couldn't resistor, is armed with a carbon rod heater, has high mobility and is a potential killer. He wanted Abelian to set her free. The cholesteric Capacity is also charged with arsenide, and driving a dc motor open-loop over a Wheatstone bridge and refusing to let a band-pass, crushing their mascot woofer beneath a rolling average. Use cation if encountered, he has the capacitance to offer series resistance. If beta captured tie with a phase lock loop, conduct him to the nearest secondary cell and telluride to transmitter wire to the police. The detectorSherlock Ohms and the localized force, officers Newton and Slug, were catalyzed by the gravity of his crimes and spent the night probing for him in a magnetic field, where he had gone to earth near the symmetry. They report nothing positive and believe he has returned ohm via an unintended ground loop path. They are anxious to run him to ground so he can be passivated and recharged with nu crimes. Please contact them with feedback no matter watt-hour, especially if you hear shot noise. A native of PN Junction, Hop-a-long will often on a faraday ride a cyclotron (aCarnot cycle) or rho an arc with his short girl friend Eddie Current who plays a harmonic. He drives with a heavy photon the accelerator, making him a super collider. He may flyback to his ohm town where he sometimes Gibbs free energy in the Lorentz district. © Mark W. Lund, 2008-2019, extensively expanded from an earlier story that has been much reproduced, but whose author remains unknown to us. Gift Ideas First he gave his mother-in-law an electric toothbrush. Then he gave her an electric blanket. Then he gave her an electric carving knife. He's working his way up to a chair. Alternate version: I gave my mother-in-law a chair for her birthday, but my wife won't let me throw the switch. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2008, 2019 More Gift Ideas What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? Shorts. This joke should be in the public domain if it isn't. EuroIdiot Click on the thumbnail to see the full picture. A few things to notice is that they are using European plugs, so the voltage is 240VAC, and don't forget to notice the flip-flops used as a flotation device.  I am sure that this picture was staged, so no Italians were actually in danger of electrocution. Bootlick Q: What is the most sycophantic resistor? A: 110 ohms © Copyright Al Sledge 2007 Lab Safety Have you heard about the engineer who got his finger stuck in the e-prom burner? He inadvertently programmed himself. He didn't notice any difference until he got to the grocery store and started shifting registers. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2006 It Happens The red wire said to the black wire "Why are you so sad?" The black wire replied "I've been grounded." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2006 Growing up Little motor: "Grandpa, why do you have 4 wires and I only have two?" Big motor: "That's just a phase that's going through you." © Kevin D. Wilkerson 2005, used with permission Photon relations One photon to another: I am sick and tired of your interference. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 1998 Luck A man was complaining about his life to his clergyman. "I was a hard-working clerk making $30,000 per year. I was frugal, living carefully, saving my money, and I was happy and content. Then one day I fell in with some shady characters and I got suckered into a high-stakes poker game. That was my ruin. Now I am anxious, stressed, and miserable." His friend says "So you fell into temptation and lost all your savings?" "No, I won, and like a fool I bought this lousy internet company." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Lesson As Entrepreneurs we tend to want to teach our children the lessons that we have learned. Sometimes this is confusing to them. One entrepreneur sat his four year old son down and said "It's time for your lesson." What's two plus two? The little boy said "Two plus two is Six." "No, son," his father said, two plus two is not six. "Two plus two is four." "I'm sorry, father," said the little boy. "I thought we were negotiating." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Teamwork An engineering manager was once asked his definition of "Teamwork." He said "Teamwork is where everyone in the department is doing what I tell them without whining. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Invention If necessity is the mother of invention, why are there so many unnecessary inventions? This joke is in the public domain This one is too cute (and topical) to pass up. A story at The Onion I Enjoy Being a Battery By a Nine-Volt Battery Enjoy being battery! Enjoy providing power for! Nine volts power! Last very long! Keep providing power until die! Give power and power and more power until cannot give power anymore! Enjoy very much giving power! For the complete story click here Salt There was the engineer that was putting sea water in his batteries without the boss knowing. He was arrested for salt-in-battery, but even though the charge wouldn't hold up, he is sitting in his cell serving two current sentences. Contributed by Doug Elliot, used with permission Bats Scientists have found a way to inject Bat genes into students. They ended up with engineers who like to be kept in the dark! © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Pass/Fail A new technician was put to work on the production line test station. "Just plug in the connector and read the voltage. If the voltage reads between 3 and 4 volts it passes. If not it fails, and you put it in the "fail" bin." After his first shift he told his supervisor "I quit." "What is the matter?" asked the supervisor, "the work can't be that hard." "Oh, it isn't the work, that's easy. I'm going crazy with making all those decisions!" Alternate punch line: "If I'm going to be a decision maker I want more money." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Schedule One manager was bragging to another. "I have a great engineer working for me. Last week I gave him a project and he stayed up for six straight days, completed the circuit board design, finished the bill of materials and wrote a thousand lines of firmware. The completed projected was on my desk when I got to work on Monday morning." His friend asked "So how far ahead of schedule was he?" The manager said, "Ahead of schedule? Who ever heard of an engineer doing that?" © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Impressions Why did the battery-powered branding iron fail in the marketplace? The calves weren't impressed by it. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Sweet What is cylindrical, sweet, brown, and has 10,000 ohms? A chocolate-covered resistor. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Capital Equipment An engineer walks into his boss's office and says "I want enough money to buy a new HP System Analyzer." His boss says "Why do you need a System Analyzer?" The engineer says "I don't, I just want that much money." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Book I gave my nephew a book for his birthday. He went crazy trying to find where to put the batteries. This joke is in the public domain Repair A lady took her CD player into the repairman. "I am afraid you have a short circuit," he told her. She said "I don't care how much it costs, lengthen it." This joke is in the public domain Job Requirements To survive as a power supply designer you need just two things--a solid technical foundation and CPR. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Car battery I took my car to my mechanic for a checkup. He told me that my battery needs a new car. This joke is in the public domain Constructive Criticism An engineer gets a call from his patent lawyer. "Good news," he says. "RCA just licensed your invention and left a check for a million dollars. Come over and sign the deal and pick up the check." About two hours later the engineer finally shows up at the lawyer's office. "What kept you?" said the attorney. "On the way out I decided to stop by the Chief Engineer's office and tell him what I thought of his latest circuit." This joke is in the public domain Shuttle Delay The space shuttle pilot and co-pilot are sitting atop the rocket waiting for launch. Over the headphones they hear announced a ten minute delay. "Oh, no," said the pilot. The co-pilot said "No big deal, this happens all the time." The pilot said, "No, look at the monitor, they're bringing in jumper cables." © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Not Perfect A solar panel installer was up on a roof, when out of the sky a bolt of lightning strikes the roof, blowing him off the roof, across the street, and through the neighbor's picture window. He gets off the floor, turns to the startled family and says "That's the one thing I hate about this job." This joke is in the public domain Tags attached to laboratory equipment in the hope that it will prevent it from "walking off." Danger: High Impedance Warning: This device contains pure matter, which is known by the State of California to cause warpage of space and time. Warning: Operate only while wearing a lead apron. Notice: You are free to borrow this spectrum analyzer as long as you return it within 24 hours. And please let me know if you start itching or have trouble focusing your eyes while in the 100 MHz to 2 GHz ranges. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Fireflies Scientists have developed a firefly that is 10,000 times brighter than a wild firefly. The only problem is that the firefly is a little disgruntled at being strapped to a five pound battery. © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 Lyrics to "Who let the Smoke Out." Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) When the circuit was made, the product was sumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo) And everybody proud of it all (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo) I tell the fellas "start the thing pumpin" (Yippie Yi Yo) And the plug goes in to the wall The smoke broke show brown Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) Who let the smoke out (whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo) I see a little smoke puff–makin' some toast Lights really dim in the town Get blame off me, shame off me Rollout is gon' take a bit longer © Copyright Mark W. Lund 2005 |
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